Ice Mirrors
by Christine Lennoire
Summary: Kurama is having some issues moving on after seeing the image of Kuronue, even if it was only a disguise. Can he realize what he still has in time, or will the ice freeze him in time forever? KuramaXhiei
1. Icy Mirror

Ice Mirrors

By Christine Lennoire

Series: Yu Yu Hakusho

Genre: Romance

Pairing: Kurama/Hiei

Hints of Kurama/Kuronue (past)

The days grow long, but the nights are empty

Memories fade, but the ones that don't, leave me empty

All in all, it's like looking into the cold abyss

I peer into the ice mirrors and I begin to truly see...

Kurama peered out the window from across the room. Eyes never leaving the glassy surface, he moved to sit down on the edge of his bed, as a bird flew past. Spring was in full bloom. The tree outside his window had buds. It was the first time the weather had been nice enough for the flowers to bloom, and now he could see one of the yellow flowers peeking out eagerly. Sun rays filtered through, even at midday. What a lovely sight... but Kurama couldn't seem to focus again. He hadn't been able to focus for weeks...

From his room, he could hear his mother calling him. But he laid down on his bed, and pretended he didn't hear her. He was pushing away... pulling away from his human life for some time now. Just going through the motions was enough to make him want to scream. All he wanted to do was run away from it all – away from it all. And he found himself thinking of the demon world. Sometimes he could hear himself saying that he missed it and he wondered where it came from.

Three weeks ago, it all started. Three weeks ago, he had seen his deceased friend... or at least he thought he had. A demon attacked him, using his dear deceased friend as a disguise and messing with his mind to make him weak so he could kill him. However, Kurama knew that memory all too well, and once his swinging weapon fell – and silence reigned, the truth came back harder than any of the words that demon could have used against him that day. It told him that this was not his friend – that's right, he told himself.

_Kuronue... is **dead**._

And he didn't kill his friend. No, he never could have done that. For all his talk, Youko Kurama was a wimp. He couldn't handle the truth. He didn't kill Kuronue, but he – the Great Youko Kurama, couldn't save him either. Kurama saved himself, knowing that there had to be something he could do... because he was a coward, who was scared of death himself. Kuronue died... alone. And Kurama hadn't done a thing about it, but to continue to live in fear and regret.

That's who Youko was... that's who he really was

That's why Kurama had cast that part of him aside. He hated being the person who would hurt his friends. And that's exactly what he had done... to _him_, the person that he had cared about the most. Because of him, he had died. Kurama could have done something... anything! Hindsight was most painful for him – knowing what he had done... or not done. And it wasn't just him, it had been Yomi too, whom he had betrayed in such a horrible way. Another terrible memory...

**Like he didn't have enough of them already...**

"Kuronue..." Kurama said, resting his head on his hands and sighing. Since seeing the imposter, it had been bothering him. Yet, it wasn't Kuronue that bothered him so much. Because, although Kuronue had meant the world to him at one time, that had been so long ago, and time changes everything and everyone. But what did bother him, was the before and after of the entire affair. Youko had tromped all over Kuronue and his feelings.

_He had been his best friend, and perhaps a little more..._

_And then he left him for dead..._

Kurama had made a promise. He promised to never hurt a friend like that. So he cast aside a piece of himself to protect the people he cared about... one in particular that kept coming to mind whenever he thought about... well... anything.

'...Hiei...' Would Hiei end up just like his other friends? 'No...' That's why he made the promise to himself in the first place.

His mind was like a mirror, iced over from the cold. You could feel the terrible cold radiating from it. And it was so frozen that you couldn't touch it, for fear of your skin sticking to the terrible cold surface. But you don't stop looking into it's frozen depths. Everything rested there like a terrible burden. All the memories stayed there, just behind the surface of it's cold wall – just beyond Kurama's reach...

_When did I become frozen?_

So who would've guessed that his heart would melt to the 'forbidden child' of the ice village? No one else meant as much to him. Hiei was his best friend. But that scared him. Look where all his other friends ended up... He curled up in a ball and squeezed his eyes shut – trying to shut out the horrible memories that nagged at him day and night.

He'd be better off... if you'd never met!

'...maybe...' A tear drifted down his check and landed on his pillow soundlessly. There was a presence. But Kurama's mind was so clouded that he didn't think to get up... didn't think to dry his eyes... didn't think to hide his face... his mask of cool, collective-ness was laying forgotten on the floor.

A bit startled – the jaganshi didn't know what to do. Only knew that his friend needed him. With a small 'hm', he climbed in the window that was carelessly left open and hurried over to the bed. Kurama just couldn't stop crying. He could barely feel the hand caressing his hair.

_Mirror... you don't define me!_

Kurama slowly came back down to earth, and he felt the calming touches of Hiei's soft, yet hesitant hand. It wasn't in his nature to be comforting or kind. But since Kurama didn't seem awake, he figured it wouldn't hurt. Kurama slowly opened his eyes and his emerald eyes met with Hiei's ruby colored ones. Hiei, noticing that Kurama was now fully awake and totally aware, pulled away quickly and scowled.

"Hn."

If you said much more, I don't know what I'd say...

Kurama chuckled. "Thank you, Hiei." he said, forcing the small demon into a hug. Instinctively, Hiei resisted – but the resistance was so small, the Kurama barely noticed, and smiled.

He's... different...

I will protect him...

Because...

"Hiei... you remind me of someone I used to know. Someone... I cared about... a lot." Kurama said, grinning. "We were... close..."

Kuronue is **dead.**

But _Hiei..._ is still here...


	2. Through the Cracks

Ice Mirrors

By Christine Lennoire

Series: Yu Yu Hakusho

Genre: Romance

Pairing: Kurama/Hiei

_The image frosts and fades to gray_

_  
I don't have to realize the monster that I am_

_Because I pretend to be blind_

_I never have to see the truth beyond the fog_

A few days had passed since Kurama had come to the hard realization of Kuronue's death and a few more days since the fight with the Netherworld ended. Sitting on his bed, he was finishing a report in painful silence. He was finding it really hard to concentrate for some reason. Even though he thought he resolved the issue concerning Kuronue, he didn't feel any better. Shiori and his step-dad went out for their anniversary and left him on his own for a little. But it was too quiet, and he just couldn't take it. Slamming the book shut, he sighed. "I should feel better, but I don't…"

Hiei heard the slamming and stirred from his spot on the windowsill. 'Hn. Kurama's been acting weird lately…' Kurama sensed his Ki and quickly turned to face him. His large red eyes peered at him curiously, stepping gently into the room. "You're jumpy." Hiei stated plainly, looking at him oddly. 'He was always the calm one, though… how unusual.' Kurama laughed nervously and began scratching the back of his head innocently.

"What ever could you mean?" he asked, acting more obvious than anything else. Hiei sighed. Just watching Kurama was making him feel weird too. "There's nothing wrong!" Kurama sighed inwardly. 'Why am I acting so strange all of a sudden? I've never been like this, no matter how I've felt.' Kurama thought to himself. "I'm a terrible liar. I've always known that, so I guess I must look pretty stupid from where you're standing." He smiled sheepishly. "But since you asked, I might as well be honest. I don't know what's wrong with me."

Now, Hiei didn't expect him to tell the truth, and his shock and curiosity shone through. Kurama loved these expressions most of all. Hiei was normally so stoic, but when he was confused or shocked, his eyes would widen into the cutest stare. This didn't happen often, but when it did, Kurama always found himself cursing mentally for not having a camera on hand. Hiei didn't seem to notice how vulnerable he looked, but he did notice the smile on his friend's face. "What is that look for?" he asked bluntly.

Kurama smiled. "It's nothing, Hiei. You make me smile, that's all." Hiei didn't like it when Kurama said sentimental things like that, but he didn't say anything this time. Kurama took that as a good sign and sat down next to Hiei. "Actually, I've been thinking about what happened a couple days ago. And that made me think about the times I spent in Demon World, all those years ago. My reunion with Kuronue's image must have bothered me more than I was willing to share, to be completely honest. But to be even more blunt, I didn't think you would notice. And even if you did, I never dreamed you'd ask."

"Why would some stupid copy demon have you worried?" Hiei growled. "You're not that weak. Even when he pulled at emotional conflicts, you were able to pull ahead and see past that to become stronger." Suddenly, the demon realized that there was something missing. Kurama had been troubled by the image before him, so it had to be something emotionally scaring. But Hiei had no idea what it was or what connection this person had to him. So why did it bother him so much. Internally he would admit that Kurama was his friend, but that shouldn't affect him this strongly…

Lazily kicking his legs back and forth, Kurama sighed. "Kuronue was a friend of mine. Much like Yomi, I made some bad decisions back then. The decisions I made almost cost Yomi his life. But unlike Yomi, Kuronue wasn't so lucky. Because of me, Kuronue died that day. Unlike me, he died, unable to bond to a human soul. I feel regret for that every day of my life. I should have done something to save him. He protected me. Kuronue died for me and I just sat back and watched because back then, I wasn't like I am now…"

_I was ruthless and uncaring…_

Hiei blinked at him slowly. "And you feel regret even now? You should be over it by now. So why is something so insignificant bothering you now?" Hiei wanted to take it back. Even he could tell that his words were too harsh and cruel. He knew that he should hold his tongue, but it was too late to do that now that he already spit it out. Kurama just smiled sadly at his demon friend.

"You know… I don't think that's what's bothering me as much as I am bothered. Sure, I feel regret. But it has passed now. Yet, something else bothers me. Kuronue was my dearest and best friend of them all back then. No one meant as much to me as he did. Still, I let him die. So I guess what bothers me now is the fact that I might not be able to protect… others… that are just as important… if not more important… to me, when the time comes." He added nervously. Kurama wondered if Hiei would catch on. Hiei was pretty sharp. No doubt he would…

For a split second, Hiei felt a sharp pain in his chest area.

'_If not more important…'_

_What's more important than a best friend…_

_Kurama…_

"Hn." Hiei snorted. "If there is one thing I know, it's that you are no Youko Kurama." And with that, he jumped out the window. Kurama watched after him and smiled warmly at his retreating figure.

_I think I understand…_

_That's your way of consoling me…_

_It means you don't believe I am the same…_

_Thank you, Hiei…_

_I needed that._

Kurama closed the window, knowing that Hiei wouldn't be coming back since he let something so emotional and personal slip out. It wasn't his style, and he was probably regretting it about now. But Kurama was really glad that he did decide to say it. He hadn't felt this happy in a long time and went downstairs to start cooking supper for his mom. He decided that homework could wait until later just this once. For now, he was done thinking. For such a long time, he had done nothing but think. And look where that got him – nowhere. Breaks were good, once in a while…

Hiding in the shadows, Hiei watched to make sure he was gone, and then laid down to rest in his favorite sleeping spot. He didn't want to be found right away, but right now, this was where he felt most at home: never too far, and never too near the fox. Hiei was just close enough to help him if he ever really needed it. And always distant enough that he didn't feel obligated to be tied down to an eternity of anything.

Right now… he was happy. But undecided…

_In the sun, the ice cracks_

_And through the cracks I see the outline of a brighter future_

_Though I cannot touch it now_

_It is never too far from the image the mirror makes_

Yes I continued it! NOW WHAT?! Now you review! Thanks and until later… REVIEW!

Christine Lennoire


	3. Warm My Heart

Ice Mirrors

By Christine Lennoire

Series: Yu Yu Hakusho

Genre: Romance

Pairing: Kurama/Hiei

_I feel like I can't run away_

_But if I get too close, I know I'll freeze to death_

_He captivated me so easily_

_My soul is tied to a love that will never die_

Not knowing what it was, Hiei was confused and confounded by these new feelings. Before now he knew that there was something intriguing about his feelings for the red haired half-demon named Kurama. It was just like him to pick a best friend who was so… opposite him. However, lately, things had been very different between them. It was like he could feel the unusual tension. As time went on, he said more and more of the things he normally would think, but never say when talking to Kurama, like Kurama had changed him somehow.

Really, nothing had changed about him. Or had it? It seemed so easy to talk to Kurama now about the things that bothered him. Words that used to seem so unreal and distant, came flying from his mouth. Through the tension, he felt himself opening up to try and fix the gap that was made by Kurama's silence. But the longer this went on, the harder it became for him to fight it back, and his words became more and more desperate… more and more revealing, saying things he never dreamed he'd say, not even to his best friend…

"Kurama, what the hell is wrong with you? You're pulling away… making me do all the talking… but you never respond! It's like you've frozen up. Have I said something to make you mad? I don't know what's wrong, but I need you, damn it! You can't do this to me… you're the closest thing to kindness I've ever been shown, the most expressive and the most beautiful thing that's ever walked into my life without leaving me or being stolen from me! Please, Kurama…" he said, grabbing his arm, and pulling him close. "Don't you dare leave me now, Kurama! Talk to me!"

The eyes that had been so distant focused painfully and a tear escaped. "…Hiei." Kurama gently stroked his face and frowned. "I'm sorry, but I have a choice to make. I'm not going to be very good company right now…" he said, turning away. Hiei grabbed his hand again and pulled him back into his arms, spinning him so that they were facing, and kissing him very passionately, just because he wanted to make a point and wake the fox. Just as Hiei suspected, Kurama wasn't prepared and woke from his half-dead state.

When it was over, Kurama didn't know whether it had been real, or just a dream. He smiled. "You warm my heart, Hiei." He said fondly. "I should have known to listen to you. People who don't talk much… always have something important to say when they do decide to talk." Kurama grinned. "Really, I'm okay. There were just some things bothering me, but, thanks to you, I think I've realized the right answer. You remember what I said a few days ago. About protecting my friends now. Well, I'm not going to leave you, Hiei. On the contrary… I'm going to protect what matters the most to me."

'…_I might not be able to protect… others… that are just as important… if not more important… to me, when the time comes.' _"Oh." Hiei gasped, blinking. "Hn." He mumbled. "If that's all, then – I promise I'll always keep you warm." He said softly. Kurama hugged the fire demon close and refused to let go any time soon.

"I'll hold you to it, Hiei. Ai shitteru." He said, looking at the floor. "I love you, Hiei… really I do. You make me want to smother you with it too, after all the pain you've been through. I just want to make you forget all of it and give you something wonderful to remember instead…" he said, playing with Hiei's soft black hair. Hiei felt his hand and felt himself become calm somehow. He felt like going to sleep right here. Not long ago, he told himself that he felt at home on the tree outside Kurama's window, but now… so soon… he couldn't imagine going out there, when he could stay here, safe and warm.

Hiei smirked. "Damn you, Kurama. You're making me soft…" he said. Kurama laughed softly.

"Yeah… but I like it." He said, kissing Hiei's forehead and the Jagan eye.

_From my heart, a new feeling_

_Realization forces me to see the true reflection_

_And with my heart so warm with love_

_I watch the ice melt easy and beautiful like the love I cherish._

Yes I continued it some more! NOW WHAT?! Now please review! Thank you for reading and… um… please… REVIEW!

Christine Lennoire


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